Personality is something that people tend to think about quite a lot. When we meet new people, whether through work, in school, or at social events, we often focus on their personalities. Whether they are friendly or aloof, outgoing, or shy, whether they are excellent and successful or mediocre. These are a few of the things that we assess as we evaluate the people around us. There are three psychological states that determine the personalities of people including you.
These are the inner factors that affect our outward personalities and how people perceive us.
A. Your self-esteem.
B. Your self-image.
C. Your self-ideal.
A. SELF ESTEEM:
Self-esteem refers to a person’s beliefs about their own worth and value. It also has to do with the feelings people have about themselves that form their sense of worthiness or unworthiness. Self-esteem is important because it heavily influences people’s choices, decisions and ultimately determines their outcome in life. Your self-esteem is simply how much you like and respect yourself. It is what determines your level of happiness. While your self-esteem is determined by your self-image.
It is so amazing how many people are struggling from low self-esteem in our world and can’t seem to be able to get out of its fierce hold. They live underutilized lives, they are fearful, self-conscious and intimated. Such people never live full lives because they are always afraid of new things, new heights, new experiences and new challenges, they are terrified just thinking about leaving their comfort zones. Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you feel about your abilities and limitations.
When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others. When you have low self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas and depend on other people to make choices for you.
Are you suffering from poor self-esteem? Find out:
1. How often do you stop yourself from speaking your mind, due to fear of embarrassment or being wrong?
2. Do you frequently say “sorry” where “excuse me” would suffice?
3. Do you have difficulty speaking up and prioritizing your own needs, wants and feelings?
4. Do you find yourself saying “I’m sorry” or feeling guilty for everyday actions?
5. Do you find yourself feeling guilty for things like taking up space or apologizing for things that you have no control or responsibility for?
6. Do you find yourself not wanting to rock the boat?
Do you have a tendency to follow along with what others are doing, saying, wearing,
7. Do you have a feeling of not deserving or not capable of having more? This can lead to unfulfilling or even toxic relationships and overall lower standards in every endeavor of life?
8. Do you have difficulty making your own choices after making them based on others’ opinions, having trouble standing by them?
8. Do you lack the courage to place boundaries in your relationships which can lead to vulnerability and hurt?
9. Do you do things or buy gifts excessively for other people even for those who wouldn’t appreciate it in order to feel wanted, needed or recognized?
10. Do you have negative self-perception, thinking people would not like or accept you for who you are or thinking everyone else is better than you?
11. Do you host critical, abusive internal dialogues such as talking harshly to yourself and perpetuating negative self-talk within yourself?
12. Do you find yourself talking too much, just to cover up for your self-perceived inabilities or shortcomings? Or perhaps you find yourself not afraid to talk at all because you are afraid you will not come out or sound right?
These self-confidence turn-offs can compound a person’s low sense of self-worth as they keep validating them over and over again.
B. SELF IMAGE:
Your self-image is how you see yourself and think about yourself in your day-to-day interactions with life, situations, and other people. It is a mental picture of yourself, both as a physical body and an individual. It is the invisible mirror you hold in your mind to see how to look, behave and respond in every situation. This is the foundation of your branding. How you perceive yourself to be. A healthy body image means that you see yourself as you really are and that you feel good in your own skin. Self-image also involves how you feel about your strengths, weaknesses, and abilities. Your self-image is shaped by your self-esteem. A positive self-image is having a good view of yourself; for example: Seeing yourself as an attractive and desirable person. Having an image of yourself as a smart and intelligent person. Seeing a happy, healthy person when you look in the mirror in your mind. Self-image is important because what you think about yourself affects how you feel about yourself and how you interact with others and the world around you. A positive self-image will boost your physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Many people especially women have wrong perceptions about themselves. Images formed by others or based on their past mistakes, experiences, exposures and wrong expectations. To break free from this cycle of self-doubt and limitations, you must begin to intentionally create a new image of yourself based on the new values you choose to
imbibe, of whom you choose to be, and not who you are right now. Your values invariably determine your personality.
C. YOUR SELF IDEAL
Your self-ideal is made up of the virtues, values, goals, hopes, dreams and aspirations that you have for yourself now and in the future. The picture of the best person you think you can possibly be. It is essentially an ideal future version of “you” that encompasses your personality, beliefs, values, and behavior under various conditions. The real self and the ideal self are terms used to describe personality conflicts. The real self is who we actually are while the self-ideal, on the other hand, is how we want to be.
The real self is the image that we have developed over time, based on what we have learned and experienced. Self-ideal refers to how you wish you were, and how you think you should be. If there is a mismatch between how you see yourself (your self-image) and what you would like to be (your ideal self), then this is likely to affect how much you value yourself. Self-image is important because how you think about yourself affects how you feel about yourself and how you interact with others. Bringing it all together, conscious values bridge the gap. By deciding to imbibe in the present new values that are related to the ideal image, you can transform your life completely.
The more your day-to-day behaviour is consistent with what you think your ideal behaviour should be which is based on your conscious or cultivated values, the more you will like and respect yourself, and the happier you will be.
On the other hand, whenever you behave in a way that is not consistent with your values or how you expect to behave, you experience a negative self-image. Whenever you perform beneath what you hope to, below what you truly aspire to, your self-esteem and happiness also decrease. But the moment you start thinking, talking, walking,
dressing and behaving in ways that are consistent with your highest ideals, your self-image improves, then your self-esteem increases and then you begin to experience greater personal power and happiness as a result. Whenever you compliment or praise a child, or give a reward or award to a person for accomplishments, his self-esteem remarkably goes up. He feels happy with himself. You feel like your whole life is in harmony and that you are living consistently with your highest ideals. You feel valuable and successful. Your aim is to intentionally and systematically create circumstances around you that raise your self-esteem in everything you do. You should live your life today like you were already the outstanding person you dream to be. What are your core values as regards:
Your relationship with God?
Your finances and wealth?
Career and business?
Remember, anywhere you do not have clear values, you will not perform well, and if you don’t perform well, your self-esteem will drop and so will your self-image, which will result in wrong or negative beliefs about yourself, which will ultimately cause you to underperform and short change yourself over and over again. We become what we think about most of the time. Our lives gravitate in the direction of our strongest thoughts and words. Successful people think about their values and how they can live it out in all they do. They think about what they want and not what exists presently. They create their own reality. Successful people create their future. The more you live consistently by your values, rather than your feelings, the happier, healthier, more positive and energetic you will be. Integrity is perhaps the most important of all values. This is because it is integrity that will make you stay true to all other values you have decided to live by. The more you discipline yourself to live consistent with the very best you know, the greater your integrity becomes, the more powerful and in charge you will be. Great people are described as possessing a high level of integrity. Their lives, words and values are consistent, even when no one is watching. Mediocre people on the other hand are constantly cutting corners and compromising their integrity, especially when
no one is watching. You can determine your final outcome right from where you are, as you take hold of your life by transforming yourself gradually into that powerful, successful valuable, intelligent and happy brand that you were made to be. Decide to be a person of integrity today. Make a quality decision today to be a person of honour. Resolve to always tell the truth even when it hurts and to live in truth with yourself and others. Crystallize your values in each important areas of your life, and document it. Think of how you would behave if you were living consistent with those values and decide never to compromise again no matter what happens. Finally, I believe you are ready to brand or rebrand yourself.
Now let’s get to work!!!
1. Make a list of everyone you admire strongly, about 3 to 5 of them.
2. List out the qualities that you find attractive in them. You will find that they all have
3. Those are the same qualities you have in you. It’s like attracting like. What you find attractive in them are the things that you have in you already.
4. Go ahead and write out these attributes and values as if you already have them.
Make them your mission statement and begin to rebrand yourself in the light of your ideal image. Watch these ideals, keep them with you, and be intentional about living these values out rather than checking the old file to see how to behave. You are a new brand now. In a little while, you will find your life-changing, you will find yourself being transformed into the very image of the person you once only admired. You will find others noticing
you and admiring you too as you live the new life you have chosen for yourself. Lastly, when you take responsibility for your life and create the ideal picture of your perfect self in your perfect future having clarified your values, then you are set for a great life with no limits. Decide what you really want, it will stop you from chasing butterflies and will put you immediately to work digging.
—William Moulton Marsden.
All the best!
You are the best and most original brand of you. Start living your best life now. Set yourself free from everything that has kept you bound or kept you limited. Your brand is extraordinary and limitless.
I BELIEVE IN YOU!